Oh, thank heaven

The ubiquitous 7-11 celebrates its 79th anniversary today by giving away free 7.11-ounce Slurpees at participating stores. Granted, that's not much on a sultry midsummer's afternoon, but considering that I'm no longer a preteen that's probably all of the frozen high fructose corn syrup I can handle anyway. So go grab yourself a cold one on the house (leaving you more money for nachos or one of those "go-go taquitos" that are always spinning in place mesmerizingly on the hot dog treadmill).