Thursday, July 13, 2006

Tennis, anyone?

For those of you who are too lazy to click through Salon's "Site Pass" in order to read Cary Tennis' always-entertaining advice column, I thought I'd provide a semiregular digest of the week's lost souls. As the Letter Writers -- or LW for short -- inevitably suffer from the worst kind of logorrhea, I've taken the liberty of summarizing their queries; Cary's responses, while condensed down to fortune cookie-sized nuggets of wisdom, are completely his own:

Friday, July 7th

LW: "Everyone says I'm awesome. Am I?"

CT: "I think you are an ideal candidate for cognitive therapy."

Monday, July 10th

LW: "My mother is crazy. How do I help my little sister cope?"

CT: "You sprinkle bread crumbs along the route of the maze."

Tuesday, July 11th

LW: "I fell for a Chinese girl I barely know. Is it cool if I dump my wheelchair-bound wife?"

CT: "[I]f you fully recognize this phenomenon for what it is, you may be able to integrate it into your life, culturally, spiritually, aesthetically, and thus become richer."

Wednesday, July 12th

LW: "I can't stand to hear other people eat. Does that make me a freak?"

CT: "If you could eat lunch with your work mates while wearing headphones, I would think that would be preferable to isolating yourself from them."

Thursday, July 13th

LW: "My wife wants an open marriage. What do I do?"

CT: "Come on like Tarzan and see if Jane wakes up."

1 comment:

JFCC said...

Ouch. The pun in that title physically hurt me. Though "Anyone for Tennis" would have been worse.

Cary Tennis once answered an email I sent him, years ago. It's in the archive, but I'm not dropping any hints.