For those of you who are too lazy to click through Salon's "Site Pass" in order to read Cary Tennis' always-entertaining advice column, I thought I'd provide a semiregular digest of the week's lost souls. As the Letter Writers -- or LW for short -- inevitably suffer from the worst kind of logorrhea, I've taken the liberty of summarizing their queries; Cary's responses, while condensed down to fortune cookie-sized nuggets of wisdom, are completely his own:
Friday, July 7th
LW: "Everyone says I'm awesome. Am I?"
CT: "I think you are an ideal candidate for cognitive therapy."
Monday, July 10th
LW: "My mother is crazy. How do I help my little sister cope?"
CT: "You sprinkle bread crumbs along the route of the maze."
Tuesday, July 11th
LW: "I fell for a Chinese girl I barely know. Is it cool if I dump my wheelchair-bound wife?"
CT: "[I]f you fully recognize this phenomenon for what it is, you may be able to integrate it into your life, culturally, spiritually, aesthetically, and thus become richer."
Wednesday, July 12th
LW: "I can't stand to hear other people eat. Does that make me a freak?"
CT: "If you could eat lunch with your work mates while wearing headphones, I would think that would be preferable to isolating yourself from them."
Thursday, July 13th
LW: "My wife wants an open marriage. What do I do?"
CT: "Come on like Tarzan and see if Jane wakes up."
Ouch. The pun in that title physically hurt me. Though "Anyone for Tennis" would have been worse.
ReplyDeleteCary Tennis once answered an email I sent him, years ago. It's in the archive, but I'm not dropping any hints.