courtesy of former Battlestar Galactica actress Sarah Rush, who also appeared in the 1981 Christian apocalyptic classic Years of the Beast. I know of this movie because for a time I was a diehard fan of Jack Van Impe's "The World Tomorrow", a biblical prophecy show that would appear on the UHF channels at odd hours of the night starring none other than Dr. Van Impe himself, his lovely yet absolutely frightening wife Rexella, and their announcer, a fellow who reminded me of an older version of Michael Buffer ("Let's get ready to rumble!"). My roommates and I would watch this show religiously, often after having consumed a few too many beers, and then call the 800 number on the screen in order to nitpick Jack's revelations about the Book of Revelation and its relevance to current events. I was beginning to feel sorry for JVIM's operators, having to deal with a bunch of angry drunk M.I.T. alums with intellectual chips on their shoulders every Saturday night.
But then came the fateful week when Jack and friends were hawking Years of the Beast! We couldn't resist, and instead of harranguing Dr. Van Impe's minions we were now giving them a credit card number and current mailing address - an act that would have direct marketing repercussions for years, mind you, although it was worth it! - and six to eight weeks later we were the proud owners of a VHS copy of this marvelously bad low-budget epic. Jackasses that we were at the time, we decided that to celebrate the occasion we'd invite a few dozen unsuspecting friends over for a house party and force them to watch it along with us. I think it took about ten minutes before the kitsch value wore off, and another ten (during a scene with a red-robed Antichrist ranting about a One World Government) before our captive audience started to mutiny. There may have been a scuffle at the VCR; people might have gotten hurt; or else maybe I'd already found a nice warm spot on the floor to curl up and sleep off all the alcohol I'd consumed in order to actually be excited about screening such a film - those details are long gone now. But the tape remains, stuffed into the back of our family entertainment center, waiting for the right time to make an encore presentation.
One thing I'll give Dr. Van Impe credit for, despite his lunatic worldview and all the bad "theological" advice he's apparently been feeding our Commander-in-Chief these days, is that he actually went and memorized the entire Bible (although people have assumed he simply has a photographic memory, the good doctor denies this, and credits a lifetime of flash cards and relentless drilling for his accomplishment), a feat that you can't help but admire, given how little self-proclaimed Christians have even read the Old and New Testaments. The so-called "Walking Bible" even outlines his method for memorization here on his website.
p.s. I think my obsession with Rapture Madness is taking an unhealthy toll on my unconsciousness. The other night I dreamed I was being chased around M.I.T. by a bunch of Borg drones from Star Trek, only for the whole action/chase sequence to morph into a bad knockoff of Years of the Beast. Being assimilated or being Raptured - which is worse, I wonder?
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